I couldn't make this up.

Let me start out by saying, that if I can't get through my troubles with men back in the states, at least I have this homeless guy I met in the park today. I'm telling you people I couldn't make this up if I tried.

The Beard and her Mom decided to go to the FedEx office today, so I decided it would be a good time to explore Zhongshan Park, right next to my hotel. It was about 10am, so the park was full of very old people doing their traditional crouching tiger hidden dragon exercises. I stumbled upon a group of about 75 people doing the tango in the middle of the park. I wanted to video it so bad, but I felt the eyes of hundreds of Chinese baring into my soul, so I decided against it and walked on. I figured looking at the map of the park would be a good idea, and boy was I right.

Right this way to Fun Dazzle Ladies and Gentlemen.

As I was attempting to find this elusive Fun Dazzle, a very old, very dirty Chinese man caught my eye, he shouted hello, and I did the same. Mistake number 1. Keep in mind the exchange I'm about to tell you about happened completely in Chinese, and his accent was basically impossible to understand. He asked if I could speak Chinese, and I said yes. Then He asked if we could walk and chat, again I said yes. Mistake number 2.

This man fell in love with me. I don't know why I can't attract men in the States, but every greasy homeless man in China wants to make me his bride. So we're walking, and he is questioning me about my life, and he tells me that he is a philosopher. Hmmmm. Really?

We sit down in the Bamboo grotto (yes, the Bamboo grotto) and he tells me that I will be his first foreign girlfriend and he can be my first friend in Shanghai. He then proceeds to tell me the teaching of Confucious, and that I should study them, and then fully understand Chinese culture. I felt like I was reading the philosophy chapter of last semester's chinese textbook. He then goes on to ask me if we can exchange letters, again I answer yes. I don't know why. He laments that surely my parents will not approve of our age difference, but that he just wants to be my friend and that there is nothing wrong with that right?

For some reason I think it is a good idea to keep going down this path, and we continue talking. Throughout the course of our 15 minute conversation. He invites me to his house, invites me go eat food, and invites me to go drink tea. When I refuse every time, he asks me why I don't trust him. While I wanted to say because I can count your teeth on one hand, but what I really said was that American culture was to not trust strangers. We walked together to go get a pen and paper so he could give me his address, all the while he tells me why he has never married a chinese woman, and that I am the prettiest foreigner he has ever seen ( he loved my pale skin, go figure)

Finally, he gave me his address and we parted ways. I felt strangely sad as I watched him walk away to creep on the next nice person who can't say go away. And for all you doubting Thomases out there. Here is the address for my future husband, Mr. Zhang Cheng something or other.



I think I will try again later to find the Fun Dazzle, I'll let you know how it goes.