Foaming at the mouth?

Oh another eventful week in Nanjing; encountering multiple molesters in the club, skipping class, and of course, getting rabies.

Wednesday night, we decided it would be a good idea to head to Mazzo for a night of house music. And by house music I mean "Gotta get that boom boom BOOM.... I wanna make love right now now now..." and whatnot. The club was 充满了creepers, like usual. However we

encountered a special man on wednesday, we like to call him "Oh Yeah." Why do we call him this do you ask? Well the answer is simple. As we were on the dance floor trying to enjoy our night, we were repeatedly humped by a drunk old chinese man who would not stop saying "Oh Yeah..oooh yeahh oh yeah, oh yeahhhh." Story of my life...

Friday night rolls around, and we head to our favorite gay bar, called Backstreet. As we go to our table, we notice a very old, very drunk chinese man sitting in our booth. Imagine Bozo the clown with slanty eyes. At first we thought we could ignore him, but alas we could not, as he approached our table rubbing his nipples and making it obvious that he had the hots for our sexy friend Eric.

As he force-fed Eric shots and made strange gestures with his hands, a magician came to our table. Yes, a magician. But forget about him, more importantly, Bozo the Clown has now sat down next to me with a piece of watermelon in his hand. He put his hand around my neck, and attempted to stuff said watermelon down my throat. As I mildly freaked out and attempted

to rub off the Aids he got all over my neck, Bozo went back to awkwardly dancing and rubbing his nipples..

By this time, a very skinny man with bad B.O. had taken a liking to me. He was actually semi-normal compared to the men I usually attract in China (We all remember my future husband Zhang something or other) He kept pulling me on stage to dance, and then doing some weird pelvic thrust that I couldn't recreate if I tried. I tried to reject him but he yelled in my ear 给我一个面子！(Help me save face!) How could I resist him?

As Sunday rolls around, I am walking down the street with Eric, Walter, and Hans McGreggor, thinking about what a good weekend I've had, when I see a beautiful husky tied to a tree. As we walk by, the husky happily jumps up on my arm to say hi, or so I thought. However, turns out the dog is a total queefstar. The damn dog bits my wrist, and as I am running away scared out of my mind, I notice a little blood on my arm. Oh god, Rabies.

In the States, I wouldn't even care about such a menial dog bite. However, this being China, I am pretty much convinced that every disease that a dog could possibly carry, this dog had. So naturally, Kathie, Kelli, and I ventured to the center for disease prevention and control to get some rabies shots. Gotta love China.

We get to the center, and the cute little nurse tells me that I can get a series of five shots to save ey from foaming at the mouth. I am quite happy at this point, because rabies is not an ideal way to die. After I get the injection, she says, "So what did the dog's owner say?"

As I look at her confused, I tell her that I did not talk to the owner, and she gives me a look as if to say, "you're totally screwed." She informs me that if the dog was really sick, then the medicine she just injected me with is not going to act fast enough to save my life. Great.

She tells me that I had better get to the hospital to get fast acting rabies immunoglobin injections, or else I might have a problem. This would happen to me in China.

So we venture to the Nanjing City Number 2 Hospital. After going through the procedures necessary to even get the shots, I notice that there are two other patients there to get the rabies shots. (let me tell you if you can figure out a Chinese hospital, you have my vote for President of the World) One man's leg has been mauled by a dog, and a one year old child's face has been bitten by a rat. Only in China.

So I go to the pharmacy counter to pick up the medicine, and the guy gives me a giant box with 8 vials inside. I was informed by a nurse who obviously loved inflicting pain on others

that I would have to get all 8 vials injected right then and there. I had to get three shots with the biggest needle I have even seen in my life, one in my shoulder, and two in my back. Let me tell you people this was the most pain I have experienced in quite some time. My advice is never get rabies. For the love of God.

I doubt that something as interesting as getting infected with a rare disease will happen to me anytime soon. But if I start foaming at the mouth, I'll be sure to let ya'll know.

You thought I was dead didn't you?

Well, I'm not. Not yet anyways. Sorry about my failure at posting lately. I have been WAY too busy. First of all, lets me give a special shout out to Kate Woodard (she knows why)

Ok so, I don't know where to begin. When I last posted, I still didn't have a roommate, but I finally got one, and she. is. awesome. Let me introduce you to Maxine Gerber.

I'm sure you will be hearing quite a lot about her. She goes to school in New Jersey, but lives in Hong Kong. She is half Taiwanese and half American. And she is just about as crazy as me (watch out China)

So I have been doing so much in the last few weeks. Class started, so I take 22 hours of Chinese language a week, plus a foreign policy and a Chinese economy class. Woot Woot. I start every day at 8am, and am drunk every day by 1 (kidding people)

I have met so many amazing friends, you will get to know them well I'm sure. What do I like to do with these friends you ask? Well the answer is go out to the clubs (aka the greatest places on earth)
Lets just say that my first friday night here ended with me screaming at a beggar that I would throw up in his cup full of coins if he didn't get it out of my face. Oh how I love Hennessey.

I have had quite a few strange experiences so far, seeing as this is China that is totally normal. And I promise I will be better about blogging now that I am settled in. In my defense, the week I got here my computer charger broke (naturally) So I went on a fun adventure to replace that. But now that I am charged and ready to go, let me attempt to recall some funny things that have happened thus far...

After Maxine moved in, we decided it would be fun to go to Fuzi Miao, aka Confucious Temple. As we geared up to see this historic monument, I forgot that this is China, so what we were really going to see was a once-historic and beautiful place, converted in a crappy outdoor shopping mall of sorts, full of people to stare at my whiteness : ) However, it was beautiful at night with all the lights, and Maxine and I naturally ate our weight in food from various street vendors. We feasted on stinky tofu, cold rice noodles, red bean soup, and the greatest invention known to man... strawberries on a stick, coated with what appeared to high fructose corn syrup. YUM.



Besides eating said strawberries and drunkenly puking on beggars, I have hanging out with all my new friends, and attempting school. Also, being offered jobs by molesters in cafes.
This is a fun story let me tell you. So, I am at a cafe with Maxine, Kathie, and Jelena for lunch, and one of the creepiest, googly-eyed, old men I've ever seen is sitting at the table behind us. I am obviously listening to his phone conversation and can already tell that his is full of you know what. All I can hear is "so Hillary Clinton's advisor called me...and I'm not gonna cash that check...No, I went to the police." and I'm just like, please shutup so I can enjoy my glass of lukewarm water in peace.

But could he resist his molester instincts? Of course not. Next thing I know he is kneeling next to me, just talking. Something along the lines of "Hey ladies I'm the best english teacher in all of China and I need people to work for me, all the Chinese girls fall in love with me, but I'm not a peodofile, and I need some ladies with the goods to seduce these boys into learning english...and my name is Chip and I'm not gonna hit on you but I'm not gay...so just meet me in this park on Saturday night..." As I was sitting with my face in my palm praying that he would just shutup, he looked at me and said, "you're not having a good reaction to this." and I said, "I'm not a fan of molesting little chinese boys, thanks though Chip."

Needless to say, I didn't take the job.

I miss all of you back in America and I promise I will be better about blogging : ) There will be plenty more pictures and stories to come....