Foaming at the mouth?

Oh another eventful week in Nanjing; encountering multiple molesters in the club, skipping class, and of course, getting rabies.

Wednesday night, we decided it would be a good idea to head to Mazzo for a night of house music. And by house music I mean "Gotta get that boom boom BOOM.... I wanna make love right now now now..." and whatnot. The club was 充满了creepers, like usual. However we

encountered a special man on wednesday, we like to call him "Oh Yeah." Why do we call him this do you ask? Well the answer is simple. As we were on the dance floor trying to enjoy our night, we were repeatedly humped by a drunk old chinese man who would not stop saying "Oh Yeah..oooh yeahh oh yeah, oh yeahhhh." Story of my life...

Friday night rolls around, and we head to our favorite gay bar, called Backstreet. As we go to our table, we notice a very old, very drunk chinese man sitting in our booth. Imagine Bozo the clown with slanty eyes. At first we thought we could ignore him, but alas we could not, as he approached our table rubbing his nipples and making it obvious that he had the hots for our sexy friend Eric.

As he force-fed Eric shots and made strange gestures with his hands, a magician came to our table. Yes, a magician. But forget about him, more importantly, Bozo the Clown has now sat down next to me with a piece of watermelon in his hand. He put his hand around my neck, and attempted to stuff said watermelon down my throat. As I mildly freaked out and attempted

to rub off the Aids he got all over my neck, Bozo went back to awkwardly dancing and rubbing his nipples..

By this time, a very skinny man with bad B.O. had taken a liking to me. He was actually semi-normal compared to the men I usually attract in China (We all remember my future husband Zhang something or other) He kept pulling me on stage to dance, and then doing some weird pelvic thrust that I couldn't recreate if I tried. I tried to reject him but he yelled in my ear 给我一个面子！(Help me save face!) How could I resist him?

As Sunday rolls around, I am walking down the street with Eric, Walter, and Hans McGreggor, thinking about what a good weekend I've had, when I see a beautiful husky tied to a tree. As we walk by, the husky happily jumps up on my arm to say hi, or so I thought. However, turns out the dog is a total queefstar. The damn dog bits my wrist, and as I am running away scared out of my mind, I notice a little blood on my arm. Oh god, Rabies.

In the States, I wouldn't even care about such a menial dog bite. However, this being China, I am pretty much convinced that every disease that a dog could possibly carry, this dog had. So naturally, Kathie, Kelli, and I ventured to the center for disease prevention and control to get some rabies shots. Gotta love China.

We get to the center, and the cute little nurse tells me that I can get a series of five shots to save ey from foaming at the mouth. I am quite happy at this point, because rabies is not an ideal way to die. After I get the injection, she says, "So what did the dog's owner say?"

As I look at her confused, I tell her that I did not talk to the owner, and she gives me a look as if to say, "you're totally screwed." She informs me that if the dog was really sick, then the medicine she just injected me with is not going to act fast enough to save my life. Great.

She tells me that I had better get to the hospital to get fast acting rabies immunoglobin injections, or else I might have a problem. This would happen to me in China.

So we venture to the Nanjing City Number 2 Hospital. After going through the procedures necessary to even get the shots, I notice that there are two other patients there to get the rabies shots. (let me tell you if you can figure out a Chinese hospital, you have my vote for President of the World) One man's leg has been mauled by a dog, and a one year old child's face has been bitten by a rat. Only in China.

So I go to the pharmacy counter to pick up the medicine, and the guy gives me a giant box with 8 vials inside. I was informed by a nurse who obviously loved inflicting pain on others

that I would have to get all 8 vials injected right then and there. I had to get three shots with the biggest needle I have even seen in my life, one in my shoulder, and two in my back. Let me tell you people this was the most pain I have experienced in quite some time. My advice is never get rabies. For the love of God.

I doubt that something as interesting as getting infected with a rare disease will happen to me anytime soon. But if I start foaming at the mouth, I'll be sure to let ya'll know.

You thought I was dead didn't you?

Well, I'm not. Not yet anyways. Sorry about my failure at posting lately. I have been WAY too busy. First of all, lets me give a special shout out to Kate Woodard (she knows why)

Ok so, I don't know where to begin. When I last posted, I still didn't have a roommate, but I finally got one, and she. is. awesome. Let me introduce you to Maxine Gerber.

I'm sure you will be hearing quite a lot about her. She goes to school in New Jersey, but lives in Hong Kong. She is half Taiwanese and half American. And she is just about as crazy as me (watch out China)

So I have been doing so much in the last few weeks. Class started, so I take 22 hours of Chinese language a week, plus a foreign policy and a Chinese economy class. Woot Woot. I start every day at 8am, and am drunk every day by 1 (kidding people)

I have met so many amazing friends, you will get to know them well I'm sure. What do I like to do with these friends you ask? Well the answer is go out to the clubs (aka the greatest places on earth)
Lets just say that my first friday night here ended with me screaming at a beggar that I would throw up in his cup full of coins if he didn't get it out of my face. Oh how I love Hennessey.

I have had quite a few strange experiences so far, seeing as this is China that is totally normal. And I promise I will be better about blogging now that I am settled in. In my defense, the week I got here my computer charger broke (naturally) So I went on a fun adventure to replace that. But now that I am charged and ready to go, let me attempt to recall some funny things that have happened thus far...

After Maxine moved in, we decided it would be fun to go to Fuzi Miao, aka Confucious Temple. As we geared up to see this historic monument, I forgot that this is China, so what we were really going to see was a once-historic and beautiful place, converted in a crappy outdoor shopping mall of sorts, full of people to stare at my whiteness : ) However, it was beautiful at night with all the lights, and Maxine and I naturally ate our weight in food from various street vendors. We feasted on stinky tofu, cold rice noodles, red bean soup, and the greatest invention known to man... strawberries on a stick, coated with what appeared to high fructose corn syrup. YUM.



Besides eating said strawberries and drunkenly puking on beggars, I have hanging out with all my new friends, and attempting school. Also, being offered jobs by molesters in cafes.
This is a fun story let me tell you. So, I am at a cafe with Maxine, Kathie, and Jelena for lunch, and one of the creepiest, googly-eyed, old men I've ever seen is sitting at the table behind us. I am obviously listening to his phone conversation and can already tell that his is full of you know what. All I can hear is "so Hillary Clinton's advisor called me...and I'm not gonna cash that check...No, I went to the police." and I'm just like, please shutup so I can enjoy my glass of lukewarm water in peace.

But could he resist his molester instincts? Of course not. Next thing I know he is kneeling next to me, just talking. Something along the lines of "Hey ladies I'm the best english teacher in all of China and I need people to work for me, all the Chinese girls fall in love with me, but I'm not a peodofile, and I need some ladies with the goods to seduce these boys into learning english...and my name is Chip and I'm not gonna hit on you but I'm not gay...so just meet me in this park on Saturday night..." As I was sitting with my face in my palm praying that he would just shutup, he looked at me and said, "you're not having a good reaction to this." and I said, "I'm not a fan of molesting little chinese boys, thanks though Chip."

Needless to say, I didn't take the job.

I miss all of you back in America and I promise I will be better about blogging : ) There will be plenty more pictures and stories to come....

南京欢迎你！

I finally made it to Nanjing!

This morning I moved into my dorm, which surprisingly is very nice! I don't have a roommate yet, but I'm hoping tomorrow will be the day. The Beard's roommate is a girl from Korea named Duo Wei, and she is awesome. I was singing Bad Romance (Bon Jovi Romance if you are Rachel Willis) and she promptly began singing Poker Face and informed me that she would accompany me to the clubs for some serious dancing, my kind of girl.

We ate some amazing dinner tonight (This is for the Qingdao crew) it was 红烧茄子和土豆片儿

That's right, get jealous.

The dorm used to be a hotel, and its nice to see they take safety seriously------------->





I will have a real post when something awesome happens, which I'm hoping will be tomorrow. So far all I can say is that Nanjing is amazing, and this next four months is going to be insane. More pics of the city to come...

I couldn't make this up.

Let me start out by saying, that if I can't get through my troubles with men back in the states, at least I have this homeless guy I met in the park today. I'm telling you people I couldn't make this up if I tried.

The Beard and her Mom decided to go to the FedEx office today, so I decided it would be a good time to explore Zhongshan Park, right next to my hotel. It was about 10am, so the park was full of very old people doing their traditional crouching tiger hidden dragon exercises. I stumbled upon a group of about 75 people doing the tango in the middle of the park. I wanted to video it so bad, but I felt the eyes of hundreds of Chinese baring into my soul, so I decided against it and walked on. I figured looking at the map of the park would be a good idea, and boy was I right.

Right this way to Fun Dazzle Ladies and Gentlemen.

As I was attempting to find this elusive Fun Dazzle, a very old, very dirty Chinese man caught my eye, he shouted hello, and I did the same. Mistake number 1. Keep in mind the exchange I'm about to tell you about happened completely in Chinese, and his accent was basically impossible to understand. He asked if I could speak Chinese, and I said yes. Then He asked if we could walk and chat, again I said yes. Mistake number 2.

This man fell in love with me. I don't know why I can't attract men in the States, but every greasy homeless man in China wants to make me his bride. So we're walking, and he is questioning me about my life, and he tells me that he is a philosopher. Hmmmm. Really?

We sit down in the Bamboo grotto (yes, the Bamboo grotto) and he tells me that I will be his first foreign girlfriend and he can be my first friend in Shanghai. He then proceeds to tell me the teaching of Confucious, and that I should study them, and then fully understand Chinese culture. I felt like I was reading the philosophy chapter of last semester's chinese textbook. He then goes on to ask me if we can exchange letters, again I answer yes. I don't know why. He laments that surely my parents will not approve of our age difference, but that he just wants to be my friend and that there is nothing wrong with that right?

For some reason I think it is a good idea to keep going down this path, and we continue talking. Throughout the course of our 15 minute conversation. He invites me to his house, invites me go eat food, and invites me to go drink tea. When I refuse every time, he asks me why I don't trust him. While I wanted to say because I can count your teeth on one hand, but what I really said was that American culture was to not trust strangers. We walked together to go get a pen and paper so he could give me his address, all the while he tells me why he has never married a chinese woman, and that I am the prettiest foreigner he has ever seen ( he loved my pale skin, go figure)

Finally, he gave me his address and we parted ways. I felt strangely sad as I watched him walk away to creep on the next nice person who can't say go away. And for all you doubting Thomases out there. Here is the address for my future husband, Mr. Zhang Cheng something or other.



I think I will try again later to find the Fun Dazzle, I'll let you know how it goes.

An epic day at 豫园。

Hhhhmmm, the smell of garbage, people spitting all around you, creepy men calling out, "hey rady, you want buy bag, louis vitton, gucci, you want buy?"...Must be a market in China.

Today we ventured to the beautiful Yuyuan to 讨价还价 a little bit. It was decorated for chinese new year and it looked awesome.

I finally found a store with the Mao Zedong painting that I wanted so much, and argued with the shop keeper for about 15 min, finally getting her to cut the price in half. I obviously employed the fool proof bargaining tactics we learned last summer. Oh, Dr. Lin would be so proud. Then as we ventured further down the road, we came across the greatest thing I have ever seen in China, Ladies and gentlemen I give you: Obama Mart.



As we ventured past Obama Mart, we were accosted by a group of very annoying people who wanted us to go with them to look at pearls. As we tried to ignore them, I mistakenly told one of the women I spoke Chinese, so she followed us down the street for about 5 minutes, going off in rapid fire crazy chinese, and people were actually gathering around us to watch me speak to this woman. Finally I got her to leave us alone, but the man was not convinced we didnt want the pearls, so he continued to follow us, saying things like "look rady, its no problem, you forrow me."

Finally, I flipped out. I feel bad about it now, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I think he was a little dejected as he left us, but I was victorious, and thats all that matters.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning, thank you jet lag, so I'm getting tired, I might need to refuel later with some delicious greul. Also, my camera broke today, of course. Its off to 百息买 (Best Buy) to attepmt to replace it. We head to Nanjing in a few days to start class! More to come soon.

"Hey Lady, you want buy an Abercrombie?"

So I made it to Shanghai alive. The Beard and I may be delirious from lack of sleep, but we tried to enjoy the day. We wanted to have the most Chinese experience we possibly could, so of course we went to Best Buy, McDonalds, and Starbucks. Much to my surprise, I have found that I actually can still speak Chinese. This post is lacking, but I haven't really done much to tell you about. I just wanted to write to let ya'll know we are alive.

I'm getting rather hungry, and I think I already found where I will be dining tonight.






Oh China, how I love you.

Pre-departure Jitters.

Two weeks and counting until I finally depart to spend my semester in China! I am slightly nervous considering the fact that I will most certainly fail at Chinese since I haven't looked at it since approx. last December. After spending last summer in Qingdao, I've decided that I didn't see or do weird enough things for such a weird country. I hope ya'll enjoy my bizarre tales of the coming few months in China. Also, make sure you follow the blogs of my fellow Crofties in China and in South America. Wish me luck as I make the horrible trek across the pacific ocean in two weeks, because to save on costs, I've decided to take this boat to China.




Kidding.